Habit 4: Think Win/Win

Principles of Interpersonal Leadership

Six Paradigms of Human Interaction

  1. Win/Win
  1. Win/Lose
  1. Lose/Win
  1. Lose/Lose
  1. Win
  1. Win/Win or No Deal

Which option is best?

There is an appropriate place for some of these paradigms — it depends on reality. However, Win/Win is the only real alternative in interdependent realities

Win/Win or No Deal

No deal gives you a way out to prevent future withdrawal

Five Dimensions of Win/Win

Building this habit requires interpersonal leadership
notion image


Three character traits
A real win is in harmony with our innermost values. This is the foundation; or else, it is ineffective and superficial
Emotional maturity:
The ability to express one's own feelings and convictions balanced with consideration for the thoughts and feelings of others
Hrand Saxenian
Win/Win requires a balance between being nice and being tough; being considerate/sensitive and being brave.
Abundance Mentality
There is plenty out there for everyone. This flows out of personal security, and appreciates the uniqueness and proactive nature of others.


When dealing with a Win/Lose mentality, interpersonal leadership must go beyond transactional leadership and into transformational leadership.
It's also important to know that the other options are available — Win/Win isn't appropriate for everything.


Clear mutual understanding creates a solid standard on which involved parties can measure success. Such agreements must define these five elements:
  • Desired results
  • Guidelines
  • Resources
  • Accountability
  • Consequences
Establish agreements with high trust, then "let them loose". Get out of their way.
Win/win puts the responsibility on the individual for accomplishing specified results within clear guidelines and available resources.