The Spiritual Discipline of Practicing the Presence of People
In the same way, out of our contemplative time with God, we, too, are invited to be prayerfully present to people, revealing their beauty to themselves.
Jesus refused to separate the practice of the presence of God from the practice of the presence of people
This puts into words a flaw I have been seeing in myself. Often after social interactions, I feel like I missed or even disobeyed something God wanted me to do. Moreover, I am noticing more how self-focused I can be during conversations — not that this is increasing in occurrence, I just am able to recognize it better.
Our Great Problem
M. Scott Peck argues that we are all born narcissists and that learning to grow out of our narcissism is at the heart of the spiritual journey.
I-It Relationships
In the I-It relationship I treat you as a means to an end — as we might use a toothbrush or car.
This is like when I run meetings, rushing them sometimes, to effectively meet the goal without any sense of care for those attending.
The result of I-It relationships is that I get frustrated when people don’t fit into my plans.
I-Thou Relationships
God fills that in-between space of an I-Thou relationship
When genuine love is released in a relationship, God’s presence is manifest. The separate space between us becomes a sacred space.
Emotional Maturity and Conflict
Ignoring Conflict — False Peacemaking
When, out of fear, we avoid conflict and appease people, we are false peacemakers.
A very obvious truth, but I am definitely guilty 🙃
Embracing Conflict — The Path to True Peace
You can’t have the true peace of Christ’s kingdom with lies and pretense. They must be exposed to the light and replaced with truth
Learning Skills to Be True Peacemakers
This will be easy to understand but hard to implement…
Speaking and Listening
Simply being the speaker and expressing your wishes and hopes can be a very healing, powerful experience.
Ask God for help!!!! I need it!
How might Jesus Christ want to come to you through this person?
As the Speaker
- Talk about my thoughts and feelings, use “I”
- Concision!
As the Listener
- Be quiet and still as I would before God
- It is important to let the other person finishes each though uninterrupted
- Paraphrase back (as something I already do, this is very effective between menial meetings and tempered interactions. It helps put my own thoughts on hold and allows the speaker to correct my understanding)
- When the speaker is done, as “Is there more?”
- When they are done, ask them: “Of everything you have shared, what is the most important thing you want me to remember?”
The Bill of Rights
Respect others as they are made in the image of God. I won’t copy P Scazzero’s Bill of Rights since it is oriented to family and is long lol.
Definitely I find it hard to respect difference, particularly preferences, of people I don’t like. It is in part due to my own pride and impatience. Of course, there are preference that blatantly irritate me, which in those cases boundaries should be communicated. Respect doesn’t mean laying down to be ran over by others’ desires.
Stop Mind Reading
Every time I make an assumption about someone who has hurt or disappointed me without confirming it, I believe a lie about this person in my head.
You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor Exodus 20:16
I need to improve on identifying assumptions I make about others. After identification, then I should take action to figure out what the reality is by asking the individual about their sentiments.
Clarify expectations
I know all too well this leads to disappointment, both for me and those around me. Unclear or unfair expectations has led to turbulence with family, friends, and romantic relationship (I can’t make that plural because, so far, it is singular).
Expectations are only valid when they have been mutually agreed upon.
Amen!
Expectations should be:
- Conscious / intentionally made
- Realistic
- Spoken
- Agreed upon
Allergies and Triggers
An emotional allergy is an intense reaction to something in the present that reminds us, consciously or unconsciously, of an event from our history.
What happens most often in an allergic reaction is that we end up treating the person with whom we are in a relationship now is if they are someone from our past. We treat them like an It.
I am currently writing this with allergies. :))))
Being able to identify allergies is dependent on being aware with how much my past affects me — I need to be more aware of the specific events and characteristics of my past that shape who I am, and my emotional being, today.
The Church as a New Culture
For change to break destructive patterns, all God asks of me is to be willing.